Strange Gifts

Yesterday I went through the drive-thru at Zaxby's for my regular grilled house salad with honey mustard dressing (two packs) and iced tea, half sweet and half unsweet. My waist would prefer unsweet with a splash of sweet but I figure that's asking a bit much. A wise man avoids pissing off the folks who feed him.

I pulled out my wallet and proceeded to the window. The friendly drive-thru guy handed me my food and told me to keep my money. All this week lunch is free for regulars. You could have knocked me over with a feather. Thanks!

A team of medical professionals keeps the Crotchety Old Man on this side of the grass. In a concurrence of appointments that happens even less often than this weeks' lunar eclipse, I had to see all but my proctologist this month. Talk about a pain in the ass.

First I saw the dermatologist. Poison ivy is one of the few things that doesn't irritate my skin. She refilled my prescriptions and wrote a new one for a foot cream that dissolves callouses. Two weeks later my feet feel like I just came from a pedicure. Thanks!

The next appointment was with my rotund regular doctor. I want to fire him but am having trouble finding a replacement I haven't already fired. The ice cold blood in my heartless body shrinks my veins and makes me hard to stick. I was thrilled the technician got the blood for lab work on the first stick. The results were good, too. Yay!

A dental crown popped off over the weekend. The dentist squeezed me in Monday afternoon to put it back on. His assistant talking about having bought gift cards at Kroger for the gas discount reminded me I had purchased enough for the discount and needed gas. My crown went back in without any problems and he didn't charge me for a visit. Thanks!

On the way home I stopped for gas. My Kroger purchases resulted in 40 cents off a gallon. Woo hoo! Driving over to the next county for gas only saves me 20 cents a gallon, so I was thrilled. Thanks!

Today I saw the retina specialist. I was hoping not to need another eye injection. I had to have one, but that my vision has improved significantly since my first appointment a few months ago made it easier to take. Vision is a great gift. Thanks!

I've got a reputation to uphold. All these strange gifts take some of the crotchety out of my sails. This time of year it's not easy being...

The Crotchety Old Man