Slow and Steady Wins the Race

You can kill yourself a lot of different ways. I'm not talking about suicide. Even in my darkest moments I've never seriously entertained the notion of taking my own life. For lots of different reasons I don't see that changing.

There were times in my salad days when I had a bit of a death wish. In some cases I was too dumb to know any better. In others I just didn't care. Either way I survived a lot of very risky behavior. Except for the emotional scars, somehow I came out unscathed.

Fast-forward a few decades. Now, slowly but surely, I'm killing myself. It's not the occasional risky activity. Today it's my lifestyle.

Not my gay lifestyle. Being a little more gay would, in fact, help. Going to the gym every day and dancing every night burns a lot of calories. Being that active would resolve a lot of the minor issues I'm dealing with today.

I used to be active. Once upon a time I spent long hours every Saturday and Sunday working in the yard and doing projects around the house. Here in Athens, unless you've got a death wish or a deep affection for heat and humidity, that's just not possible. You'll find my ever-expanding ass on the sofa in front of the television with my laptop open on the coffee table.

My lack of activity is only part of the problem. Diet is an issue, too--in terms of both quantity and quality. My favorite foods are steak, pizza, cheeseburgers, fried anything, every kind of bread ever made, potato chips, all the flavors of ice cream, the entire cake food group, and most pies--just to name a few.

When it comes to something I like, the law of diminishing returns rarely applies. If one is good, two would be twice as good and so on. If the law of diminishing returns worked the way it's supposed to, I wouldn't eat the entire sleeve or Ritz crackers, all 12 donuts, or the entire pan of brownies.

The key is of course, moderation. Unfortunately, I've never been a fan of moderation. When I'm in, I am IN!!! Doing things by halves is just half-assed. I'm pretty sure that's why I remain...

The Crotchety Old Man