Dumped

We started seeing each other back in college. After meeting in class we often got together to prepare for exams. Before long we were seeing each other during the summer and on holidays.

After graduation we continued to see each other. As my interests expanded my affection grew. I thought we'd be together forever. But no...forever wasn't in the cards for us.

Our relationship continued for more than 25 years. Sometimes I hung on every word. There were also times I barely paid attention. You know how it sometimes goes with two who spend a lot of time together.

The trouble started back in 2008. Instead of hooking up every week, we dropped back to every other week. Within a few months we were down to once a month. I should have seen the writing on the wall.

No telling how much time we've spent alone together in the bathroom. What will I do now? Toilet paper origami?

We had something special. Dumping me the way you did after all this time really hurts. It's like you never cared at all.

Goodbye U.S. News and World Report. I'd already decided I wasn't going to renew when my subscription ran out. Things just haven't been the same since you went to the monthly format.

My bowels are in an uproar. Did you really think you could buy me off with 3.2 copies of MONEY for every paid copy remaining in my subscription? Then you don't know...

The Crotchety Old Man