Things Jerry Springer Taught Me

Teeth are optional.
Homemade tattoos are cool.
Rednecks are in every state.
Hair extensions rip out easy.
Love triangles are everywhere.
Drunk people will screw anyone.
Anyone can get laid at least once.
Love is completely and totally blind.
The world revolves around strip clubs.
Hair-pulling should be a sport, like boxing.
Fist-fighting with your mother is just wrong.
Girls mess around when the boyfriend is in jail.
Wearing a wedding dress is a disadvantage in a fight.
When girls fight, whoever pulls out the most hair wins.
Strippers and prostitutes go for guys with anger issues.
Never underestimate the fighting ability of a drag queen.
A surprising amount of fornication takes place in trailer parks.
Some people have no idea they've been boinking a transsexual.
A table of food and a few angry people always ends in a food fight.
Forcefully removing the wig changes the appearance of most women.
Revealing an intimate secret on national television never turns out well.
Girls will flash their boobs on national television for cheap plastic beads.