Today on Television

My favorites on television right now are nearly all reality shows. I know, it's sad. Unless I change my viewing habits soon, my brain will surely turn to mush.

You're Cut Off is my favorite train wreck. This is a female version of my all-time favorite reality show, Tool Academy. The participants are all over-indulged bitches whose parents never learned to say no. It's the best case I've seen for passing a hefty inheritance tax.

I've stopped watching all but the Atlanta edition of Real Housewives. Nene and Phaedra, both from here in Athens, are just irresistible. Throw in Kim and several bottles of alcohol and we're talking good times. Cram the lot of them into a tour bus and it's a laugh a minute. They should open a charm school together.

RuPaul's Drag Race started it's third season last night. We don't get Logo so I have to wait for the repeats on VH1. It's sure to be a favorite--I've always loved a good drag show.

Thanks to Steven Tyler, the new American Idol is a riot. We'll see how things go once the real competition gets going. Frankly, I think the best years of American Idol are behind us. I'm done with Biggest Loser, too. Two hours is just too long.

Top Chef All Stars is probably my all-around favorite television show. A few of my favorites have already been eliminated (don't ask me why but I've always thought Dale was just darling). Still, the engaging cast keeps it interesting. We're also watching Worse Chef in America, mostly because it makes me feel better about my own cooking skills.

Fashion Police with Joan Rivers has become a favorite, too. Joan is a riot, especially if you enjoy hearing an octogenarian repeatedly drop the F-bomb. Kelly Osborne is a great co-host. The gay guy and what's her face who lost on the Apprentice don't add much.

For situation comedies I'm a fan of Modern Family. It's not the gay couple that keeps me coming back. It's Gloria--the vibrant and nearly psychotic Latina wife of Jay, played by Ed O'Neill of Al Bundy fame. She cracks me up.

I watch Jersey Shores, too, mostly to see Ronnie without his shirt and to watch girl fights. I don't normally enjoy violence but something about watching these women pound each other brings a smile to my face. It's almost as fun as Jerry Springer.

Maybe one day I'll get my own reality show. I could audition old men from all over the country. We'd go through various competitions with weekly eliminations to crown...

The Crotchety Old Man