Monday, March 14, 2011

Aging Like A Fine Wine

We crotchety old men are a lot like white wine. Pop the cork and the longer we sit around the worse we get. Even the best white wines eventually turn to vinegar.

I'm not bitter, I'm pissed. Bitter comes from within and is focused on the past. Pissed is based more on current events. I wouldn't have anger issues if people would quit pissing me off. Let's look at some current events that have set me off.

The Weather Channel pisses me off. It really chaps my ass when they run "Local on the 8's" on the 7's. Having to wait ten more minutes for the next local forecast gets my day off to a great start first thing in the morning.

Red Lobster is advertising seafood specials like crazy. Clearly the television adds ten pounds. The dish I'm served is like a miniature of the dish I saw on television. For this I drive all the way across town? Captain D's is at least as good and a lot cheaper.

I'm pissed that Biggest Loser, Celebrity Apprentice, and American Idol are two-hours long. The length of the program wouldn't bother me nearly so much if they didn't repeat the same crap and clips three and four times a show. Dragging things out the way they do makes my butt pucker.

Biggest Loser and Celebrity Apprentice are available OnDemand, but you can't fast forward through the commercials. No thanks. I'm not sacrificing two hours of my life for 45 minutes of entertainment and 75 minutes of commercials.

Commercials are just one big pain in the ass. According to Wikipedia (so it's just as true as the Bible) the typical hour show has shrunk from 51 minutes to 42 minutes. On some networks--and I'm sure you've watched one or two, the standard is 36 minutes.

I pay handsomely for basic cable. Paying for an hour of television that includes as little as 36 minutes of program ain't right. Paying to watch the cable company's commercials is just another way I feed...

The Crotchety Old Man

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