Lesbians and Bumper Stickers

See a vehicle covered with bumper stickers and chances are pretty good that it belongs to a lesbian. It doesn't even have to be a Subaru Outback, a VW or a Honda Element. See more than three bumper stickers and you can bet your bottom dollar the owner is a lesbian.

Straight men don't do it because the car communicates who they are without need of any bumper stickers. When you do see stickers on a straight man's vehicle, it's usually a truck, and the stickers convey attitude and the driver's favorite sport or team. I don't know what to think about straight men that have a pair of balls hanging from the trailer hitch. Sounds gay to me.

Gay men may stick a rainbow on their car somewhere, mostly to increase the odds of that super hot random encounter that fantasies are made of. Hey...it could happen! In some cases, gay men use bumper stickers in lieu of duct tape--to hold the car they've driven into the ground together for another 1000 miles or so.

Straight women may sport a sorority sticker on the back window. If they're older, look for "I'm proud of my honor student" or something else about their kids. I'm not sure Mary Kay counts as a bumper sticker.

I don't know why lesbians are more likely than others to plaster their cars with bumper stickers. I just know that's the way it is. And it doesn't have a thing to do with me, and why I'm still...

The Crotchety Old Man